Back in college we had a theme every year, which was decided when we were in complete inebriated states on New Years Eve. "Rocking like a Sink" fit in perfectly with my year of parties, "There and Back Again" was absolutely a year of journeys. They seemed to describe my life perfectly.
Once I left home I lost track of the theme, but about a year ago I was going through a really rough time with living abroad. Being me, I decided to head to the gym to work out my issues on some cardio machinery. As I pumped my legs to song after song, Coldplay's "Lost" came on which was followed by Sufjan's version of "I'm a Little Lost". I decided that my life had become a long line of themes. 2013's theme was "Zeros and Ones" (thanks Robert and gin) and 2014's would be "Lost." Since I was in such a terrible place the plan was to focus on this theme and find parts of it in my everyday life to shove away, so I could eventually leave them all behind. I got pretty far in my song list, and read a few quotes and poems, trying to move past it, and into another theme. Life at the start of 2015 got sooooo complicated, that I never officially moved completely away from the theme of "Lost." Until tonight.
Its hard to believe that it has been almost 2 months of living here, and it's hard to believe that it has been 3 months since I left my last home, in Jakarta. Tonight, as I walked along with gloomy rain-laden clouds above me, and an orange sunset painted sky in front of me, I began reflecting on the last 5 pivotal months, and the transformation they have had on my life. I remembered the people I met in Thailand and the friends I saw when I was home, and I thought back to the reminders they gave me of who I truly am, and the fact that I deserve more than what Jakarta was giving me. I deserve to wake up every morning with a desire to live, work, eat, move, and breathe.
While I walked along, my new theme popped into my head and I created a note on my phone (as if it was a forgettable moment..) And so, it is with my pleasure, that I have discovered my own personal theme for this, and hopefully next year:
"Lonely Soldier"
Now before you start thinking about how depressing that may sound, let me clue you into why this is the chosen theme. Last April, after returning from Thailand I realized how much relationships make me desperately crazy. Whenever I get myself into this situation I seem to feel like I'm stuck in a "we" bubble, and I can't get out of it. All the happiest points of my life have been when I'm single.
Secondly, I am a true introvert who is crazy about "me time." Most of my favorite activities involve me, chilling, listening to music, and pursing some ridiculous hobby. Why not continue to pursue these interests, even though they tend to lead nowhere.
Thirdly, there is no way in hell I'm going to find a man in Tivat. (And I am grateful for this)
Also, I am a huge Damien Rice fan and he has a song called Lonely Soldier, which I fell madly in love with a few weeks ago. He also has another song with some incredible lyrics that state "I'm just another lonely soldier on the road to nowhere," which I have considered lyrics to live by for quite some time now.
Lastly, please do not take this new life theme to mean that I am lonely here. To the contrary. I have a larger plethora of friends than I did in Jakarta and I am constantly involved in after school dinner clubs, movie nights, football nights, happy hours, ect. I feel like I have never felt so much instantly at home in a city as I have here, and that is saying a lot.
I am pretty happy in Montenegro so far, and though there are a few things I wish I could change, I am living my life to its fullest point. My mom hadn't heard from me in awhile and messaged me to ask how life was going and I replied with:
"Everything is great! Lots of work to do, but I'm living in the moment, which is very different for me. I can't help but give into the joy of the day-to-day. So much to do and see."
So happy (almost) 2 months of being here to me, and may the joy last past the 3 month honeymoon phase of Jakarta.
