Day 28 (29/7/16)- Transfer to Slovakia
I feel awful for wasting this day sleeping in instead of getting up and getting my ass on another hike, but I seriously needed an 8 hour night, and a day of doing nothing. I'll just have to come back to the Tatra Mountains.
I almost, most actually, just told the bus driver to stop and let me off. Can I create a new life here? I have like 300 Euros with me and that's plenty....
If I love finding little pieces of home all over the world, then why don't I just move home??
Day 29- (30/7/16) Kosice
*This entry has been removed because I changed my mind about this Musing....*
Day 30- (31/7/16)- Budapest
When you meet people and find yourself drinking multiple beers at a bar, and hours of dancing later sharing secrets and looking at stars. This life is love.
Day 31 (1/8/16)- Budapest
One word describes this day....hungover.
Day 32(2/8/16)- Budapest
Good night sleep, morning exercise and a good people watching coffee. It's the little things that make life so fantastic.
Day 33 (3/8/16)- Budapest
You set out with a plan in the morning, and when it doesn't work out sometimes the best you can do is sit down on a stoop, cry for 30 seconds and then get up off your ass to plan for tomorrow so it doesn't happen again. 6 am train tickets in my bag and I get to see the rents in 24 hours.
I am ready to be done traveling....solo. For now. I love it. I love making my own decisions and going at my own pace, but...I need someone to split the stress of decisions with. When you travel you make so many. I'm not talking about big decisions like where to go next or where to stay. I'm talking about all the little ass decisions. Like "Should I have another beer?" "Where should I eat for dinner?" "Should I leave 10 minutes early or 15 minutes early?" These constant little choices are so exhausting! You think as a teacher I'd be used to this....
Day 17(18/7/16) - Transfer to Warsaw
You really ease your anxiety as travel goes on. It becomes natural and normal. You just understand what you are doing, and have no need to think things through.
Day 18 (19/7/16)- Warsaw
I can already sense my annoyance with this currency. The largest bill is the equivalent of 25 euros and it seems impossible to break because nothing cost more than 4 Euros.
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I am sitting eating a banana. In a square. In Poland. What. The. Fuck Also, you can't eat anything in squares in Europe, because the pigeons will kill you.
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The world needs to wake up and realise we are repeating past mistakes. We have a Hitler in our midst, but he hates more than Jews. Even as a middle class while American female I do not feel safe. Luckily I sense more resistance this time around.
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I am exhausted. 12 hours on my feet walking this city. All I want to do is drink my beer and sleep. But this man has to keep showing me pictures of these "things" he saw at the Palace. I hate things to begin with. Don't even get me start on PICTURES of things. Especially insignificant ones like some princess' hairbrush.
Day 19 (20/7/16)- Warsaw
I forgot about my hatred for museums just long enough to enter one and instantly regret it.
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People might be right about the novelty of travel wearing off. It's not that I don't appreciate it, I just become accustomed and notice less of the differences. Day 20 (21/7/16)- Warsaw to Wroclaw
Travel has so much to do with the people you meet. They really set the vibes for better or worse.
Day 21 (22/7/16)- Wroclaw
Frustration! I feel like I am at kids camp only in an entire country. Really killing the joy of travel right now.
Day 22 (23/7/16)- Wroclaw
I could give up. I could just be finished and call it quits. This would be the safe route to choose, and maybe I'll still get there. But I can't do that yet. I can't continue to sacrifice parts of my life becuase of my selfishness. At some point I'm going to have to leap.
So I know how I could end up broken with a mind full of regret for trusting this instinct, but that can be dealt with. I'm going to continue to pour all of myself into all of this until I have nothing left to give.
Day 23 (24/7/16) Transfer to Krakow
When you haven't had any time to yourself for awhile and you catch a bus, put on your tunes and instantly feel better about life.
Day 25 (26/7/16) Krakow
I cannot describe how physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting traveling solo is. Today consisted of line after line, crowds, trying to figure out public transit and multiple anxiety attacks. That being said....traveling solo is the most rewarding experience and I am so grateful that I get to live THIS amazing life.
Day 26 (27/7/16) Auschwitz
No words.
Day 27 (28/7/16) Zakopane
" I ain't never been to Vegas, but I've gambled up my life." I consistently feel this way. Each time I have taken a chance to move somewhere new or have some opportunity have been gambles with the highest odds, and the best wins.
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Buses not showing up=tears. I need a day!
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I met a group of guys in the mountains. We compared maps and trail routes, both completely lost. They asked if I was alone and I responded with a yes. They asked if I was scared and mentioned hiking in these mountains was quite dangerous. "Yes!" I wanted to scream, but I replied with a very confident sounding no. I could slip and crack open my skull. I could pass out or get lost and freeze to death. I only slept 4 hours last night, I'm dehydrated , and hungry. Why do I push myself so much? Because there is a joy in reaching those limitations and working your way through and past them.
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I usually only take selfies when I'm hiking or out in nature. Why? Because even though I'm in gross old clothes, sweating with messy unwashed hair and no make-up this is when I truly feel alive, confident, happy, and like the best version of myself.
I'm currently teaching my students a unit about role models, but
before we get to that level we spent the last week looking at the vocabulary
words of believe and value, which are also present in our central idea.
It has taken them
a lot to get from the value of money and the belief that red is the best colour
to "I value my family and friends" and "I believe that if you
wish on a star the wish will come true." We are still working on the belief
of conceptual ideas. I was trying to think of some more examples of ways to
guide them toward this "I believe in god", "I believe that all
people are good" etc. and then I started thinking about what I really
believe in.
I thought about
the years that have past and how my beliefs have changed from when I was their
age, to high school, to college, to leaving America to come and teach abroad.
So many things have changed, from the simplicity of actually studying
political and religious systems, to experiencing different ways of life hands
on. But, there is one thing that stands out the most to me: My belief in soul mates.
It used to be told
that you get one soul mate to love and cherish for your whole life. After
breaking up with my high school boyfriend I decided that "soul mate"
was just simply not something I could believe in. It wasn't that I thought he
was the one soul mate, I just realized that it wasn't fair that if you missed
your chance of finding the one you would miss out on this experience on the
whole. It was too stressful of a belief for me, so I gave it up. The concept of
"soul mates" has changed and transformed for me so much, because I
have met so many.
A soul mate is not
ONE person you love for the rest of your life. A soul mate is simply someone
you share an instantly deep connection with. I'm not talking about love at
first sight or knowing right away, but there are definitely times when you are
hanging out with someone and you see a reflection of yourself in them. You just
click.
When you see that
reflection you realize that it is an intricate part of who you are, and it
makes you want to enhance that part of yourself, so that it can grow and
transform into a larger part. It makes you want to be better than you are. You
want to stay up for another hour just to hear their stories, because something
in their words sparks a passion inside of you.
I don't have one soul
mate, and I don't believe there is one person I am meant to spend the rest of
my life with. My soul mates have come in so many different shapes and sizes and
from all walks of life, and sometimes the people that end up playing this
irreplaceable role in my life greatly surprise me.
So this one goes
out to all of you who took the time to walk around at night and look at stars
with me. Who have watched me cry through the pain. Those of you who know
who and what broke my heart, and what I need to mend it. To those of you who
took the hike and saw the amazing views. To those of you have danced on the
empty floors, and seen my smile as a song I love come on. And most importantly
those of you who have gotten me through the tough-ass life decisions that got
me where I am today. I love you, and am grateful to you for being my soul mates.
