Fears and Excitment

I am laying in bed listening to the drones of traffic outside, and wondering how I am going to sleep in in 2 months when the sounds are completely different. I am scared. I am freaking out inside.

With every move I have made so far I felt fear, but not this numbingly painful sort.  I am scared shitless of moving to Tivat, and can't tell anyone. Maybe because for the first time I have a slight idea of what to expect. I know what will be easy and what will be hard. I won't be able to find the comforts of home. No matter how hard I search there will not be salt and vinegar potato chips. There will be no DQ birthday cakes, or to-go coffees. 

Shopping will seem impossible again. I won't be able to head to the mall to visit various shops, some of which have American sizes. Maybe this is why I have stock piled far too many clothes. 

There won't be hundreds of medical centers to choose from. So if any of my "conditions" that I may or may not have worsen, I have no idea what I'll do. 

If I need a new hiking backpack there won't be camping shops to provide such a thing, and good luck finding new running socks.

There won't be expat bars and neighborhoods, and there won't be dozens of international schools, filled with other expats in the same situation.

If the power goes out, it goes out and I use candles. If the water isn't heated I take a cold shower. If the internet connection at home isn't working chances are the internet on my phone won't work either.

I am freaking out inside because I can't get up the courage to teach myself Montenegrin. Or to research any potential trips. Or ask questions about my job. Or be realistic that I don't need to take so much crap with me. 

I am scared to go somewhere I've been before, because for the first time I know the challenges that face me, and I've changed. Again, I've changed into an urban girl who enjoys her comforts and technology. For a little while I was going to become her permanently. 

I have to remind myself that I don't know it. It has been two years, and I'm sure it's not completely the same. I still have shops to explore, and culture to learn. I have streets to walk and coffees to drink. I have students to learn and new friends to share stories with and love.

And all these things that scare me are why I loved Albania. The simplicity of life. I made use of what I had and was given and If I needed something I found a way. I was forced out of my comfort zone everyday and I learned to live as best I could.

Once again I'm looking at my life and finding it incredible how where you are an who you spend time with can change and effect you so easily. Choose wisely my friends.

So because I'm trying to be a more happy and optimistic person I made a list of things I'm excited for:
cold weather
fall colors
Boots and sweaters
being able to watch packer games again
New friends
New and cheaper beer!
Wine
Teaching grade 3/4

nearby national parks
Living ( for real) by the sea
Living ( for real) by the mountains
Quiet nights
Delicious seafood
bakeries
Living alone
My porch! Which I intend to have plants on. So....
Plants

Falling in Love with a whole new chapter of life. 

The Balkans!!! 

Okay I feel better now. Time for bed. 

Hey Montenegro....guess what...I think I'm going to fall head over heels in love with you!