25/07/15
Freaking out and it doesn't matter. Odd and amazing. Holding back tears of excitement and fear and sadness.
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| Dear Jakarta...you sucked the life out of me.... |
1/07/15
Keep thinking "what if I can't find *insert random thing I can live without*?" Then I take a walk to find such things and fall in love with the beauty of the landscape. Plants and vegetation surround me and there are mountains in the distance and an ocean a short walk away. The people here seem friendly and I'm living in a cute apartment that feels like home. I can adjust and live without. I'm already to that place where I feel like this should be forever.
2/08/15
So when I was cleaning out boxes a few weeks ago one of the "little treasures" I came across was a small glass globe I had in college. I have no idea where I got it or why, but I do remember it sitting on my book shelf reminding me that there was a whole world out there. When I found it I held it close to my chest and my mom asked me what it was. "My first globe," I responded. As if it was that simple. Last night I dreamt that one of my boxes from home ended up in my suitcase and the globe was in it. When I remembered the dream this morning it made me feel happy and content. My home is the world, and it is an amazing place.
03/08/15
Remember that time in Kotor when I joked about how I wanted to move to Montenegro? And remember how we go super drunk that night and shared all our dreams looking at stars over the ocean? I have habits of spending time drunk looking at stars don't I?
13/8/15
I keep having these little moments of extreme sadness. I can't figure out what they are about, which is a little nerve racking. I just feel my eyes welling up for no reason and then before I can really even think about the emotion it is gone.
24/8/15
Yep....I'm never coming home.
14/9/15
I just had my first little stroke of homesickness. And surprisingly it had nothing to do with craving beer or fall weather. I just don't understand how I ended up living this life so far away from the people I love. Homesickness has everything to do with people. So why don't you all just move here???
22/9/15
I am loving EVERY bit of being here. The teaching is challenging me, but not crazy exhausting. I have options for social life. There are girls who enjoy drinking, people who like eating, boys who like watching football, and city life is a short bus ride/drive away if I begin to crave it. I have my own little space to do "me time." And every time I start to wonder if I actually like it here something pulls me back to happiness. I hope this lasts....and lasts...and lasts. So much happiness in my world. So much ease.
1/10/15
4 years ago I was totally lost. 3 years ago I thought I belonged in Albania. 2 years ago I thought I belonged in Jakarta. A year ago I thought I belonged WITH someone, no matter where that was. Now I know where I belong, and I know EVENTUALLY I will be there. But I'm content with where I am now. Last night my mom said she was so glad I was happy. I said it was the honeymoon phase, but she said it was more. Something in me is just different here. It's like I'm not who I expected I'd be but I'm exactly who I am MEANT to be.
As I hopped out of our car on the side of the highway to capture a photo of our soon-to-be coffee and appetizer location for the night my co-worker described me as "Genki" In Japanese this means someone who is keen and happy to do EVERYTHING. This is the perfect description for me here, and I hope this continues to be true. If someone messages me to do something the answer is yes. When abroad this is the only way to do life. At least until you get too exhausted to handle it all.
6/10/15
No.....not okay. And that's all I'm gonna say about that.
9/10/15
You make these plans for yourself to do certain things at certain times. Living abroad at age 25 was not one of those plans. You let go, accept yourself and become who you were meant to be. And life takes your breath away when you least expect it to. I'm 6 weeks into teaching (1/12th of the way done by the way...how?), 2 weeks from vacation with my best friend around old stomping grounds, and I've been here for 2.5 months. I remember that at one time in Indonesia I felt like it was the happiest I'd ever been. I'm not sure I'd say I'm quite there yet. I have a few personal goals to work on and a little self confidence to build before I get to that point. But I can say that this has been the fastest progression from sinking feeling, to inexplicable happiness, so that has to be a damn good start! I've been telling all sorts of people to please come visit. My couch isn't the greatest, but it does the job. And I have a huge veranda, so bring along your camping gear and set up a tent there :P
24/8/15
Yep....I'm never coming home.
14/9/15
I just had my first little stroke of homesickness. And surprisingly it had nothing to do with craving beer or fall weather. I just don't understand how I ended up living this life so far away from the people I love. Homesickness has everything to do with people. So why don't you all just move here???
22/9/15
I am loving EVERY bit of being here. The teaching is challenging me, but not crazy exhausting. I have options for social life. There are girls who enjoy drinking, people who like eating, boys who like watching football, and city life is a short bus ride/drive away if I begin to crave it. I have my own little space to do "me time." And every time I start to wonder if I actually like it here something pulls me back to happiness. I hope this lasts....and lasts...and lasts. So much happiness in my world. So much ease.
1/10/15
4 years ago I was totally lost. 3 years ago I thought I belonged in Albania. 2 years ago I thought I belonged in Jakarta. A year ago I thought I belonged WITH someone, no matter where that was. Now I know where I belong, and I know EVENTUALLY I will be there. But I'm content with where I am now. Last night my mom said she was so glad I was happy. I said it was the honeymoon phase, but she said it was more. Something in me is just different here. It's like I'm not who I expected I'd be but I'm exactly who I am MEANT to be.
As I hopped out of our car on the side of the highway to capture a photo of our soon-to-be coffee and appetizer location for the night my co-worker described me as "Genki" In Japanese this means someone who is keen and happy to do EVERYTHING. This is the perfect description for me here, and I hope this continues to be true. If someone messages me to do something the answer is yes. When abroad this is the only way to do life. At least until you get too exhausted to handle it all.
No.....not okay. And that's all I'm gonna say about that.
9/10/15
You make these plans for yourself to do certain things at certain times. Living abroad at age 25 was not one of those plans. You let go, accept yourself and become who you were meant to be. And life takes your breath away when you least expect it to. I'm 6 weeks into teaching (1/12th of the way done by the way...how?), 2 weeks from vacation with my best friend around old stomping grounds, and I've been here for 2.5 months. I remember that at one time in Indonesia I felt like it was the happiest I'd ever been. I'm not sure I'd say I'm quite there yet. I have a few personal goals to work on and a little self confidence to build before I get to that point. But I can say that this has been the fastest progression from sinking feeling, to inexplicable happiness, so that has to be a damn good start! I've been telling all sorts of people to please come visit. My couch isn't the greatest, but it does the job. And I have a huge veranda, so bring along your camping gear and set up a tent there :P
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