From the 23 year old who didn't know how to check herself in at the airport or whether there would be anyone/ anything waiting for me on the other side of my flight, to the 27 year old solo traveling and driving around the mountains of Montenegro.
It has been a true pleasure to have my parents visit me in a place that I can so easily consider home in my head, and feel home in my soul. While I have been consistently messaging and skyping with my friends about this difficult transition from travel to real life and work I cant help but notice that my mindset is not about how much I miss home, or all the things I hate, but merely about the transitioning of my life goals and noticing that while I love it here, Tivat can't offer me the ability to pursue ALL my dreams at once.
Tivat, has been a key in my transition from thinking I knew what I wanted out of life, to knowing that I don't know what I want out of life, and that I will never be done with the journey to discover the answers.
One of my favourite parts of my 6 week trip was the moment in our apartment in Zagreb when the words "IF you come home..." came out of my mother's mouth. Not because I'm not coming home, but because it showed me that she gets it. She sees the happiness and contentedness within me.
Last thanksgiving I informed my family that I would be returning permanently home by Thanksgiving of 2019. My how the tables have turned in 6 short months. I'm not saying that I won't be home by Thanksgiving 2019. Instead I am choosing to trust the journey. Since moving to Tivat I have made countless plans for my future, and I can happily state that I can count the number of ones that worked out on one hand.
As I worked on my presentation for parent night at work today, I thought about what I have managed to do in these 4 years of teaching and traveling abroad. The initial idea that came to mind was to describe myself as a risk taker, but I don't think that term embodies what I am trying to accomplish.
I am a Fear- Breaker. This is what this 4 years has been about and what the rest of my life will be about. I have anxiety. Rather than being diagnosed and put on medication, I am learning to deal with it in on my own terms. From the simplicity of forcing myself to look down just 10 seconds longer while standing on a mountain cliff, to driving a car for the first time in 4 years while swerving through mountain ranges in a foreign country with crazy ass drivers. From the initial "hello" to a complete stranger, to imagining myself spending the rest of my life as a single spinster.
Here's to the next year, or 20...of finding all these fears and breaking them until I am truly everything that I want to be and more.
No comments:
Post a Comment