3/11/16
We have an unspoken language. We both understand the words we refuse to say.
We have an unspoken language. We both understand the words we refuse to say.
7/11/16
I sit in silence, or the most I can get. The internet is down again due to rain, and none of my devices seem to work to play music. I'm not used to this. I don't often like silence. I look at the pile of dishes, the random items scattered on my floor and wonder why I have spent all day in bed napping when there is so much that needs to be done. But I don't move to clean it, or to finish tackling the massive to do list I began yesterday. I just sit, and take in the sound of the rain pitter-pattering on the window and listen as a car passes. I sip my coffee that has finally been brewed at 6pm and think back to a time in Jakarta when life was not so good and this was everything I once wanted. This ease. Life seems to be in utter chaos right now as I balance work goals, personal goals, and begin to consider what I want next. But taking moments like these make life so much better.
13/11/16
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I think I'd like to spend the rest of my life pouring love into you.
18/11/16
Sometimes you think you are confused beyond belief, but really, in your heart you know exactly what you want. Sometimes I'm just scared that what I want is out of reach. I have known for 6 months. So I sit down and I take a new approach to achieving this goal. A goal that I'm sure seems silly to some, but means so much to me. No regrets this time. I give it my all.
21/11/16
You asked me if I was scared and I said yes. What I didn't tell you was why. I'm not scared of the first steps, but I'm scared of the decisions that may have to be made if we finally get a chance. I'm worried that I'll say yes, and I end up hating it. I'm worried that if I say no I will spend the rest of my life wondering if it was everything I ever wanted.
27/11/16
Confusion is something I am all too familiar with, but really don't want to deal with for a few years. Too bad it is an essential part of life.
6/12/16
I'm about to turn down a job for the first time ever. And the worst part of it is that it would pay me double what I'm making, pay off my loans in a year, and put me so close. I don't know whether to call this idiotic, smart, pure confusion, or trust. When it's not right it's not right.
15/11/16
Trusting.
Sometimes you think you are confused beyond belief, but really, in your heart you know exactly what you want. Sometimes I'm just scared that what I want is out of reach. I have known for 6 months. So I sit down and I take a new approach to achieving this goal. A goal that I'm sure seems silly to some, but means so much to me. No regrets this time. I give it my all.
21/11/16
You asked me if I was scared and I said yes. What I didn't tell you was why. I'm not scared of the first steps, but I'm scared of the decisions that may have to be made if we finally get a chance. I'm worried that I'll say yes, and I end up hating it. I'm worried that if I say no I will spend the rest of my life wondering if it was everything I ever wanted.
27/11/16
Confusion is something I am all too familiar with, but really don't want to deal with for a few years. Too bad it is an essential part of life.
6/12/16
I'm about to turn down a job for the first time ever. And the worst part of it is that it would pay me double what I'm making, pay off my loans in a year, and put me so close. I don't know whether to call this idiotic, smart, pure confusion, or trust. When it's not right it's not right.
15/11/16
Trusting.
Yes it will.
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