Mykonos

11/4/17
I read a few weeks ago that 40% of travelers are single females. This surprised me greatly. I like to think of myself as different, yet, apparently I'm just normal. I wonder where they all go? I met a few fellow solo-female travelers on the train to Athens, but have met none since. Certainly everyone on this Island seems to be bound to another human being. I keep telling myself I'm ready for that, but I'm not putting forth any effort I'm not ready to not be selfish.

12/4/17
I have gotten so bad at flirting with men, and reading their signals: Man comes jogging past with dog, blatantly staring, strikes up a conversations and I got...nothing. Other than a few meager sentences back and then focusing on my book.

13/4/17
We will keep this note private. Regret. That's all.
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Me and Greece just aren't vibing. Maybe I'm not putting forth any effort. Maybe I'm not saying hello to enough people. Maybe I'm being my introverted self. Maybe I didn't choose the right hostels, or not allowing for leeway in my budget. Or maybe I'm just really sick of traveling solo. Did I set my expectations too high. Maybe I just really wanted to share this.
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I cried today, because I'm tired and hormonal and lonely and second guessing all of my recent decisions. Like to come to Mykonos alone, and to eat more Souvlaki for lunch, and to move to Kazakhstan after all the job offers I had. Did I choose fear over love? Or did I choose discomfort I can handle over discomfort I cannot?

And so... I turn my music up and dance on the deserted beach and then i sit and I finally let a few tears fall. Eventually I hear a song that convinces me to grab a beer, so I walk to the shop, grab the cheapest one I can find. I head back to the beach and  I fight back more tears, as I sip it and grind sand between my teeth. How it miraculously managed to forge its way into my mouth, I'll never know. I try to convince myself that my decision makes no difference in the grand scheme of things. More decisions will follow, and I'll likely fuck those ones up too. But this beer had made it all better. For now.

14/4/17
The poor waiter this morning almost had to watch me have a mental breakdown. We were discussing the different countries we had both lived in. He joked that of the countries in the wold I chose Kazakhstan. Yeah, I know I'm crazy. Then he told me I must be strong to be moving all these random places. Fuck yeah! I got this.
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This is all just hormones right? I need to get my shit together.
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I put myself on this roller coaster, and I have no one to blame but myself. I hope to look back a year from now and marvel at how I pushed myself to grow, but right now, in this moment, I just feel anger. I need to get to the next port.

Thessaloniki

31/3/17
I met some guys from Serbia who translated some Serbian Folk music for me. "This whiskey is twice as old as you are, but I am rich, so let's go upstairs and fuck." Apparently they refer to people who listen to it "hillbillies". We shared our favourite English words after noting that in order to make the perfect vodka and juice concoction in the future (it's an art after-all) we would need to "chisel" the ice into semi-circles. No cubes allowed. We spent about 30 minutes of them trying to figure out the right Serbian word for chisel. I wish I was better with languages.

1/4/17
Before heading to the airport my taxi driver took me on a tour of the city. He compared Montenegro to one of the many rivers that runs through it. Small, beautiful, diverse, undiscovered and under appreciated. I couldn't agree more. Why am I leaving?

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I spent the night talking philosophy with a 62 year old New Yorker and a 41 year old Greek:
We all have our own perceptions which create our own reality. Therefore there can be no universal truth. Our beliefs consist of that which we cannot prove.

I was asked if I plan to move every 2 years. I couldn't answer, but when I asked this man what his plan was he said, "The plan was to leave and not go back. So far I've been very successful." Maybe I should come up with a plan I can't fail at, like" I'm going to eat everyday." Coming up with a fail proof plan is harder than it seems.

2/4/17
I should be trying harder to have more experiences, but I still feel so damn tired.

3/4/17
I am being the ultimate lazy traveler. All I've really done is walked around the city and eat food. I don't want to plan, and if I would have had a plan I could be hiking a damn mountain. I'm feeling regretful, but I know from experience that this regret will get me nowhere.

4/4/17
One of the sweetest things is when I meet a couple sleeping in a dorm room, and the first thing in the morning one of them moves to the top or bottom bunk to cuddle with the other.

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*Cultural experience*
An old greek man helped me to cross the street. He attempted to speak German to me. We smiled and laughed, and waited for traffic to clear, and ran across the road together. Even though I didn't need his help I thanked him and smiled and continued along my way.

At the train station I grab a cafe freddo and spinach pie. The owner of the cafe comes up and asks me if I am going to Athens. No I say, I am going to Kalambaka. He smiles and applauds me, happy I'm seeing something other than the acropolis. Then he grabs my hand, kisses it,  ruffles my hair and says goodbye. I feel as though I am his granddaughter due to his pride and affection.

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"Don't take the train." they said. "It's too slow, and involves complicated station changes. Why would you want to? The bus is faster. Besides its not a real train, it's a Balkan train." They told me.
"What other kind are there?" I replied with a huge grin on my face.

As long as there are trains to take, I will be taking them, and as long as there are streets and trails to walk I will be walking them.

Athens

7/4/17
I helped an old lady cross the street with all her groceries. She wouldn't stop talking to me and I had no clue what she was saying. I really wished I could have understood.
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A man tried to point me in the direction of the acropolis. "Nje (no)...park," I begged of him. I seriously don't belong in the big city. Let's hope couch surfing meet-ups save this.

8/4/17
Wine is an experience like a journey. You need to use all your senses to enjoy it. You look first at it's colour and the way it shines in the light. Next you experience the scent through your nose, enjoying smells of fruits and flowers. Then you sip a small amount and allow the taste to caress your tongue. Next you inhale through your mouth over the top of the wine to see if you tongue can feel it. We should experience all of life this way.

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Spent the last hour comparing women to wine. Completely complicated, sometimes confusing, but totally worth it.
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Tonight over dinner I discussed a famous Greek poem about a journey. I got to the end of the discussion and only then did I realize that I was talking about one of my favourite poems of all time.

9/4/17
I am crazy head-over-heels in love with life, but still something is missing. I nearly had a panic attack on top the acropolis as I realized how close I was to having it. I think about how happy I would be if I had made a different decision. I don't want to be angry at myself.

Excerpts from book "Married to Bhutan" by Linda Leaming, which have something to do with precisely what I am feeling today:

page 140- "I recommend two things for anybody interested in finding out more about what they really are, what they are made of, what they can endure, and how far humor will take them: running away, and hiding out."
page 143- " I think of the choices I've made in my life. For me, there is a big difference between choosing and deciding; choosing means we take the initiative--we learn about options, think of alternatives, and then pick one-- and I prefer it. Deciding means someone has already made the choices for us....It is more passive. These aren't the traditional dictionary definitions of choosing and deciding I'm using, but I make the distinction because in the world, so many things seem to be decided for us. We don't really believe we have much choice. But we do.

If we choose to follow our dreams and desires, then other things, good or bad, fall into place. I discovered this in Bhutan. In its remotest corners, with so many layers stripped away, I find my inside self is the same as my outside self."

10/4/17
People seem to think I'm brave for living this life, and yet everyday I travel I meet people far more fearless than I am. They travel in ways that make my life seem average and normal, and they take chances I would never dream of taking. Like moving to Athen after a 2 week holiday  because you met the man you may love. And they are still married 24 years later. CRAZY!

More excerpts from book "Married to Bhutan" by Linda Leaming that magically have to do with what I'm feeling today:

page 157
"Since we're all trying to be happy, and since I've studied happiness in depth for some time, I feel qualified to make some observations:

There will probably be some physical pain and some form of renunciation on the road to happiness.  No, I'm not advocating masochism, But once you take the road to happiness--the road less traveled, or the open road, or whatever you envision as you route to bliss--you have to be ready to face some discomfort. Ironically, this will make you happier. Try to avoid associating happiness with comfort."

page 179
"Sometimes we have to go the physical distance, to struggle with real mountains, to help bring us further along on our mental or spiritual journey."

15/4/17
I just realized that the sun sets everywhere, and that each place has a different view and a significance of its own. Mind Blown.
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I love you Eastern Europe, but I think I need a break.

Meteora

4/4/17
I am feeling a little bit too happy after my glass of failed greek wine. Smiles and smiles.

epic fail on the cork and glass, but delicious! 

5/4/17
I set off on today's hike a little nervous and feeling underprepared. As soon as I got out of the city I remembered reading about other solo hikers' encounters with viper snakes. Not only had I forgotten what to do if I encountered one, I'd once again forgotten the greek word for "thank you." A necessity on any trip for getting by. I have been amazed what this single word can do for a person.

As I reached a fork in the road with both trails marked "foot-path" I second guessed my usual choice of the more difficult one. But, I pursued it, and stumbled up several large rocks on my journey as I wondered what sound a viper snake made, if it made any at all. This path was clearly not well marked, and many times I made wrong choices only to reach a dead end 3 minutes later, forced to turn around and wander back. Eventually, I began to reach several clearings, one after another, each with a more spectacular view than the previous. After visiting one, quiet and beautiful monastery I continued on the main road, noting the 3 large tour buses and knowing that the next monastery would not be so calm and secluded.  I stopped to take some photos that showed my perpetual happiness at life and to eat my fruit and nut bar.

As I was eating a man came along and introduced himself as John. He told me he was a baker and pointed out the flour on his hiking boots. We talked briefly through his broken English, and he grabbed my map and pointed out a few hiking trails he highly recommended. Then he said he was headed home to sleep, but would like to meet up for coffee that evening at 7pm. Coffee? at 7pm! "I'll probably be in bed," I told him. I was being totally honest when I said this, knowing that I planned to hike all day and had been dealing with a scratchy throat all morning.  However, I figured he had ulterior motives given he could hardly come up with the English word for evening or night or tomorrow.

Nonetheless we exchanged facebook name info so that we could chat later. I spent some more time enjoying the view and I opted to take a different footpath that I had spotted earlier back to the city, rather than the short route on the road. This happened to be a very well marked footpath that led me back to the original fork in the road where I chose the less worn route. I sat down on a rock and found myself wondering why I am such an introvert, closed off to experiences that present themselves to me. Experiences like a coffee with some random Greek dude who hardly speaks English.

I arrived back at the hostel, exhausted, only find the hostel owner (who owns another hostel in another city and basically put me in charge of this one for 2 days) opening the door with bags of groceries in her hand. Her car had broken down and she was waiting for repairs. She fed me cheese sandwiches and marmalade and asked about my hike. I was exhausted, and yet I left again for another hike that was pointed out by John.

On this hike I had a conversation with myself about peoples' perceptions of the world: perceptions are influenced by our senses, and we all sense the world in a different way. Therefore no experience in life can be re-created, or enjoyed the same be 2 people. Every moment is different for each person. I know this isn't a new concept, but suddenly was mind-boggled by it.

After my day of hiking I eventually headed back to the city, ate some lamb kebabs, chugged 6 glasses of water, had a glass of wine and slept clear through until the morning. Content and exhausted by my day in nature and my confusion about myself and who I am.

Totally scared of heights. 

6/4/17
This world is so spectacularly amazing that I will never be able to stop.
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I saw the cutest family today. As they looked out at the monastery the little girl looked up and smiled at her dad. As she did so, he said "That is a spectacular princess castle." I guess...anything to get the kids excited about travel.

7/4/17
Train rides are seldom long enough for all the thoughts I want to have while on them.