Knowing

I have had to do a lot of life reflection in the last few years, as I have been hopping around from one country to the next ,about the things I want out of my life. There have come many important decisions. Though some may seem small, sometimes they can make a huge deal!

So, tonight I found out that one of my favorite musicians ever is playing a show in a part of the world I will be in, at the time I will be there. Not the exact city I had planned to be in on that particular date, but just like 4 big cities away. So, of course I dropped everything and started to re-plan my summer. I looked at my finances and was seriously wondering if I could afford to do this AND make my usual triple loan payment for the next two months. Then I got to the point where I just told my brain hole to SHUT UP. The thing that has always gotten me through these tough decisions is opportunities. I follow the good ones and turn down the negative ones. So I booked the damn ticket. And I even let myself spend 5 extra Euros to be 20 rows closer to the stage.

Then I got to talking to my friend about our possible meet up this summer. I am dying (most literally!) to see him. When we discovered that it might not work my initial reaction was "The world is working against us!" but I was surprised with myself and joke reaction. Usually if something like this would have happened in the past, I would have felt extremely sad This time however, I just sort of brushed it off. I'm learning that when things are meant to happen you just know they will work out.

I'm not saying I believe in fate, per se, or a higher power guiding us along our decision making path. But in previous experiences when I make something out to more than it is, it generally isn't that big of a deal. In the long run, I've been ridiculously happy with how my life has turned out.

This feeling wasn't a "everything works out how it is supposed to" feeling. It was more of a "If I want it enough, and continue to pursue it, then it will work out." Something in me knows that this can work.

Yesterday night I laid awake in bed wondering what the next year or so of my life would be like. Basically I reflected on the complications to come next fall as I begin looking at jobs. My phone rang, and as I answered I heard my friend's sweet voice on the other end. It was our first voice to voice conversation (other than singing competitions) since December. There was something in that voice. It got me from wanting and wondering to knowing.

It doesn't matter how complicated I make my life, or what hurdles I have to jump over. The height of the mountain, the size of the ocean, or the length of the valley. I will climb it. I will swim it. I will hike it. Or should I say we?