It has been a long time since I have been properly stared at. It feels weird to be back in a place where I can't blend in. Also, I forgot about my general hatred for airports.
20/3/16
It is amazing how far back this history goes. When I think about the history I have explored in other countries I am amazed at the depth I've been able to dive into in some of them, versus the mere surface I can cover in others. Turkey's is overwhelming. It's making me want to do a full on Middle East Trip.
I take the money I make and use it to buy expereinces. This is one. I am so grateful for every experience i have been able to have.
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All I need right now is a 12 hour bus ride to think. This is bad.
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Some people change your life with simple acknowledgment of their existence. You look at them, see them, and they cause you to appreciate something or work toward something. I wonder if anyone ever sees me in the way. I will make it my new life goal.
23/3/16
I have this inexhaustible desire to spill my deepest darkest secrets to someone. And as always I'm wondering how I can want something I've never had.
24/3/16
I love the looks I get when I go walking somewhere most foreign people don't go. I love leaving civilization behind and the mixed feeling of relief and anger when I have to reconnect with it.
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A year ago, among all the turmoil I never would have thought I'd be here. I long for a decision free life, but know, that everyday I make countless decisions that effect my life. My mind will continue turning.
It is always amazing to walk along in the past life of a place. I can't wrap my head around the history of this place. It goes too far back. How did these things get buried and then found again? And what is left to discover?
Today I visited the burial place of John the baptist, and realized how much christianity is based here in this "muslim country." And what is so incredible is that they have embraced it. Yes they have build mosques nearby, but they have preserved this history and culture rather than destroying it.
I don't know that I can't think of a single Christian who would consider coming here to explore the history of Christianity and it's overlap with Islam. It makes me sad that people can be so judgemental of places without researching them.
28/3/16
You lit a fire. For awhile it burned me, and engulfed me in a suffocating way. But I have emerged from the flames with a fire deep within me. I hope it never leaves because it has made me a stronger, happier person.
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Turkey has surprised me in so many ways. Mostly in good ways. Today our guide described it as a mosaic, and it really is the perfect description. So many worlds meet here, and so much history is engraved in its walls and nature. A plethora of religion, traditions, flavours, styles and cultures. Mountains meet sea and grassland, and dessert. The climate is different one city to the east or west. You can freeze one day and sweat the next. You can hike, lay at a beach, explore ancient worlds, and historical religion.
The kindness and openness of the people has struck me too. At first I was nervous to say I was from America, but with blonde hair and blue eyes and my undeniable accent they would figure it out anyway. People have been so hospitable, helpful, and generous. Turkey will be going back on the list of places to visit. Then again, not many places don't make that list.
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