Merry Christmas: A Christmas at Home

2016....A year full of madness, pure happiness, and personal growth.

 "There are outlaw maps that lead to outlaw treasure and I love those maps especially. Unwilling to wait for mankind to improve, the outlaw lives as if that day were here. And I love that most of all."

It's silly, but I feel like 2016 is jinxed. In fact as I started applying for jobs in October, part of me hoped I wouldn't be offered anything until the new year, just because my superstitions had kicked in.

Personally, this year has, in a way, been one of the best I have ever had. In other ways it has been completely complicated and horendous.

I started out the New Year in snowy Czech Republic, singing "The Weight" in Czech among random strangers. If that wasn't a signal to what the year would be I don't know what was. Christmas was a fantastic magic wonderland of markets, mulled wine, delicious beer, and cultural exploration with new friends. The theme for the year was quickly decided upon as "Outlaw Maps" as I read "Still Life With Woodpecker" on my trip, and completed a hike on New Years Eve.

After returning to work I began the monotonous lifestyle of coming home and completing online coursework to begin the steps to renew my teaching license.

In late March I took a 2 week trip to Turkey, which exceeded my expectations in so many ways. Turkey is a high priority for the future as there is so much left to explore. It greatly changed my opinion of the "Middle Eastern" part of the world. I'm keen to explore other parts of the Middle East.

I finished out the spring with a few weekends of relaxation on the beaches of Montenegro, and made a quick 5 day weekend trip to Slovenia, which also needs far more attention. The natural beauty of this tiny country is astounding to me.

Summer 2016 brought forth a true dream: 6 full weeks of non-stop travel. The most I had ever travelled prior to this was 3 weeks, and that involved staying at my friends house in between portions. This is no-where near the full 6 month- a year dream I have, but it gave me a true taste for what life on the road was like. Between exploring castles, historical walking tours, couch surfing meet-ups and hikes I found time for simple pleasures such as a good cup of coffee, a good beer, and a few days hanging on the couch of a random hostel.
In summation:
Lithuania: concerts in gardens/ drunken nights/ waffles in the morning
Latvia: solid conversations at the train station, excellent underground pubs
Estonia: street art/ midnight sunsets/ so many tours!
Poland: historical tours/ new friends/ Mountains
Slovakia: I am so fricken tired/ old woman on a speed train
Hungary: no sleep, couchsurfers
Croatia: traveling with parents, I love Montenegro and miss my bed.

I woke up in a complete panic attack my first night back in my bed. After careful contemplation I decided to set some new goals: Mainly, to immerse myself in my school's curriculum in order to grow professionally and to explore the nature around me. I was pretty successful and spent quite a few weekends hiking and/or camping in the nearby mountains. This was all thanks to some new friends I made. How lucky am I ?

I also had the pleasure of attending a professional development seminar in Vienna, which helped me a lot in my ability to implement the school curriculum, and to better assess my students to ensure continued education and personal growth.

I had a short weekend getaway in Belgrade in late October, and began the job search in November. I love living in Tivat and have never been more happy than I am right now. But I also know what is out there career wise, and social life wise. Now that I know who I am, and am happy and content with her, it is time for her to start finding the beat of city life, a job that allows for some more professional development and staff collaboration, and some money to pay off these never-ending student loans.

That being said I don't know where I'll be come July, but for now I'm heading home for my first Christmas in the USA since I left. I'm still feeling a bit nervous about going "home" and having a real home to return to, rather than a home of 2 suitcases and a backpack. I can't wait to partake in my family traditions, get in some good live music, and hug my family and friends.

Here's a little reminder of Christmas from afar:

Thanks to all who have been there to celebrate with me and make me feel loved at the holiday time, and welcome 2017 and the new friends, cities, and experiences you will bring. I am looking so forward to it :)

And since we started the year with a Tom Robbin's quote we shall end there as well: "There is always the same amount of good luck and bad luck in the world. If one person doesn’t get the bad luck, somebody else will have to get it in their place. There’s always the same amount of good and evil, too. We can’t eradicate evil, we can only evict it, force it to move across town. And when evil moves, some good always goes with it. But we can never alter the ratio of good to evil. All we can do is keep things stirred up so neither good nor evil solidifies. That’s when things get scary. Life is like a stew, you have you stir it frequently, or all the scum rise to the top." 

So, Stir it Up!

Thankful 2016: Outlaw Maps

Thus continues one of my favourite traditions: The top 10 moments I am thankful for since last Thanksgiving. I'd like to thank the theme of "Outlaw Maps" for this year.

10. Friendsmas in Prague- Traveling solo can be hard, but sometimes you find a person or group you just click with. I was lucky enough to have this happen twice in Prague. When you meet people who influence your journey in such a positive way it's impossible to not be grateful. I love us!

9. Lake Bled Wanderings- I spent the whole day just walking around the Lake enjoying the beauty and wishing that my life could always be this simple and easy.

8. Theth National Park- I had wanted to go so badly when I lived in Albania, but never quite made it. A beautiful autumn weekend hiking among the colours with new friends.

7. Damien Rice concert, random ride- I should refer to my previous blog, but...basically I had to let go of some serious control issues in a foreign country where I had no idea how to get back to my hostel after the buses stopped running. So making friends with and inspiring random strangers was where it was at!

6. Klet mountain- I love myself because I am able to just try new things. Including going on a hike that there is almost zero information about. And then...it just happens that it is a tradition to hike to the top of it on this particular day. Much enjoyed my time dancing with random Czech dudes. Such a a random cultural experience.

5.Wilco in Kotor- Dancing my drunk ass off to one of my favourite bands ever. In a foreign country that I happen to be living in. Yes. Please.

4.Fire in Lubliana- After a very short, and stressful weekend in Slovenia I was lucky enough to unwind at a traditional "Summer's Day" activity. Drinking beers, listening to live local music, and burning a crazy large fire near a church on the top of hill. Who could ask for more? Fire, Music, Beer, and Culture is exactly what I am seeking.

3.Tatra Mountains- I had a very rough morning of travel that did not go according to plan. But I made it to Zakopane and completed a decently hard hike by myself. Some of the people I met along the way asked me if I was scared to be hiking alone. I realized how much independence I have gained since moving abroad.

2. The Realization-
Sunset. Tivat. And realizing what I ultimately didn't want to admit to myself. Walking home from Porto beaming after texting my mom, because I had to tell SOMEONE.

1. Comment about mom with backpack- So, on the final day of my summer travel I was on a ferry with my parents and noticed a woman carrying an ULTRA LARGE backpack as her 5? year old daughter follower her around holding a doll. I told my mom that someday, that would potentially be me. My mom said it could never ever be me, and I frowned at her in disappointment at her close mindedness.
Only, then, she said something that really inspired and encouraged me. She said, "That could never be you, because your daughter will have her own backpack on her back." That right there is everything I wish and hope for.

And here is to next years theme of "Trusting Things Beyond Mistake."

Musings from Budapest (and Slovakia too)

Day 28 (29/7/16)- Transfer to Slovakia
I feel awful for wasting this day sleeping in instead of getting up and getting my ass on another hike, but I seriously needed an 8 hour night, and a day of doing nothing. I'll just have to come back to the Tatra Mountains.

I almost, most actually, just told the bus driver to stop and let me off. Can I create a new life here? I have like 300 Euros with me and that's plenty....

If I love finding little pieces of home all over the world, then why don't I just move home??


Day 29- (30/7/16) Kosice
*This entry has been removed because I changed my mind about this Musing....*

Day 30- (31/7/16)- Budapest
When you meet people and find yourself drinking multiple beers at a bar, and hours of dancing later sharing secrets and looking at stars. This life is love.

Day 31 (1/8/16)- Budapest
One word describes this day....hungover.

Day 32(2/8/16)- Budapest
Good night sleep, morning exercise and a good people watching coffee. It's the little things that make life so fantastic.

Day 33 (3/8/16)- Budapest
You set out with a plan in the morning, and when it doesn't work out sometimes the best you can do is sit down on a stoop, cry for 30 seconds and then get up off your ass to plan for tomorrow so it doesn't happen again. 6 am train tickets in my bag and I get to see the rents in 24 hours.

I am ready to be done traveling....solo. For now. I love it. I love making my own decisions and going at my own pace, but...I need someone to split the stress of decisions with. When you travel you make so many. I'm not talking about big decisions like where to go next or where to stay. I'm talking about all the little ass decisions. Like "Should I have another beer?" "Where should I eat for dinner?" "Should I leave 10 minutes early or 15 minutes early?" These constant little choices are so exhausting! You think as a teacher I'd be used to this....

Musings from Poland

Day 17(18/7/16) - Transfer to Warsaw
You really ease your anxiety as travel goes on. It becomes natural and normal. You just understand what you are doing, and have no need to think things through.

Day 18 (19/7/16)- Warsaw
I can already sense my annoyance with this currency. The largest bill is the equivalent of 25 euros and it seems impossible to break because nothing cost more than 4 Euros.
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I am sitting eating a banana. In a square. In Poland. What. The. Fuck Also, you can't eat anything in squares in Europe, because the pigeons will kill you.
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The world needs to wake up and realise we are repeating past mistakes. We have a Hitler in our midst, but he hates more than Jews. Even as a middle class while American female I do not feel safe. Luckily I sense more resistance this time around.

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I am exhausted. 12 hours on my feet walking this city. All I want to do is drink my beer and sleep. But this man has to keep showing me pictures of these "things" he saw at the Palace. I hate things to begin with. Don't even get me start on PICTURES of things. Especially insignificant ones like some princess' hairbrush.

Day 19 (20/7/16)- Warsaw
I forgot about my hatred for museums just long enough to enter one and instantly regret it.
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People might be right about the novelty of travel wearing off. It's not that I don't appreciate it, I just become accustomed and notice less of the differences.

Day 20 (21/7/16)- Warsaw to Wroclaw
Travel has so much to do with the people you meet. They really set the vibes for better or worse.

Day 21 (22/7/16)- Wroclaw
Frustration! I feel like I am at kids camp only in an entire country. Really killing the joy of travel right now.

Day 22 (23/7/16)- Wroclaw
I could give up. I could just be finished and call it quits. This would be the safe route to choose, and maybe I'll still get there. But I can't do that yet. I can't continue to sacrifice parts of my life becuase of my selfishness. At some point I'm going to have to leap.

So I know how I could end up broken with a mind full of regret for trusting this instinct, but that can be dealt with. I'm going to continue to pour all of myself into all of this until I have nothing left to give.

Day 23 (24/7/16) Transfer to Krakow
When you haven't had any time to yourself for awhile and you catch a bus, put on your tunes and instantly feel better about life.

Day 25 (26/7/16) Krakow
I cannot describe how physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting traveling solo is. Today consisted of line after line, crowds, trying to figure out public transit and multiple anxiety attacks. That being said....traveling solo is the most rewarding experience and I am so grateful that I get to live THIS amazing life.

Day 26 (27/7/16) Auschwitz
No words.

Day 27 (28/7/16) Zakopane
" I ain't never been to Vegas, but I've gambled up my life." I consistently feel this way. Each time I have taken a chance to move somewhere new or have some opportunity have been gambles with the highest odds, and the best wins.
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Buses not showing up=tears. I need a day!
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I met a group of guys in the mountains. We compared maps and trail routes, both completely lost. They asked if I was alone and I responded with a yes. They asked if I was scared and mentioned hiking in these mountains was quite dangerous. "Yes!" I wanted to scream, but I replied with a very confident sounding no. I could slip and crack open my skull. I could pass out or get lost and freeze to death.  I only slept 4 hours last night, I'm dehydrated , and hungry. Why do I push myself so much? Because there is a joy in reaching those limitations and working your way through and past them.

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I usually only take selfies when I'm hiking or out in nature. Why? Because even though I'm in gross old clothes, sweating with messy unwashed hair and no make-up this is when I truly feel alive, confident, happy, and like the best version of myself.

Hiraeth

As I skyped with my mom on Friday, prior to leaving for Albania, I told her I was nervous it would make me long for the life, and friends  I had there. I was terrified  it would be unrecognizable. In many ways it reached those expectations. But I also took her advice and used it as a chance to reflect on, and be grateful, to the city and people who shaped a good portion of who I am.

My 2 days in Tirana were just what they should have been. A Saturday stroll, a failed attempt at a night out, a Sunday drinking bender, and a Monday morning reflection.

As we hit the southern part of Montenegro I started to translate words, and I have no doubt that the crew I was with was so tired of hearing me point out buildings, or words, or random cultural things I had forgotten about. From hanging stuffed animals to ward of evil spirits, to New York license plates.

We passed my old school, now painted a creepy shade of yellow, a college, and seriously unrecognizable. I kept questioning myself. "That's my old school...wait...not it's not, huh? Oh yes, that was it because this is where I nearly died everyday on my way there."

Home

Then as we cruised down Rruga Durresit I started to see some places I knew. The place with the best chocolate croissants, late night pizza, the first place I had a doner with Scott. It was like a flood as I tried to work out what had changed and what remained. I really struggled with the insane number of fancy to-go coffee places, as Tirana already had too many cafes. The first fancy one had just opened before I left and was now a chain of at least 15 with 2 other competing companies.

Typical Breakfast with Scott before explorations

Once we got into the city and dealt with out random hostel issues (I stayed at the one where my friend used to work, oddly enough) we went to Stephen Center for a meal and I indulged in a Dr. Pepper. Same menu, same market view, same delicious food. Next up was a walk. We began with the Pyramid, now striped bare of it's colour and far more ugly than it used to be. Then I took the crew down the shopping road, remembering my exchange place, my grocery shop, my favourite gelato man, and the constant admiration I had for the wedding dress shops that line the area with the world's worst poof.

As we turned down my alley, Jen commented on how nice the cafe on the corner (where my dumpster used to stand tall) looked. I pointed out my stairs and the gang decided that I lived in the ghetto, which is hilarious, because that is still my favourite apartment I've ever had. We walked out into the front and enjoyed a coffee at my little cafe/tea place.

That night eating Mexican I noted how much the city had even changed in the year I was there. It was a top speed transition year. Mexican food, Chinese, burgers, brunch places, different beers, malls, all built up from nothing.

Old Duff Bar

The next day, after a coffee and a shopping run to search for pants that fit and to stock up on Chimay to take back to Montenegro, we headed for some brunch and met some teachers from an IB school. As we sat and talked we ordered drink after drink, and I reminisced about how typical it was for a Sunday in Albania. We left one bar and headed to the next, Duff (which has a new location) that I had discovered with the boys a few short weeks before I left. I entered and immediately spotted the packer helmet that originally drew us into the place. I had my usual flavoured mojito and beer. The final stop for the evening was Brauhaus for a Red ale. This place was insanely empty in comparison to it's usual evening hubbub.

New Duff Bar

I was surprised as we walked home and found street after street shut off. After asking the police officer he told us it was a weekly bike celebration. It included live music, which was, of course, blaring loudly over the call to prayer. 

The next morning I woke up and after my friend cancelled our coffee date for personal reasons I opted to head out for a walk in my old neighborhood. I began at the thrift store on Zogu I Zi, where I did most of my shopping, followed by a quick walk past the Umbrellas (now umbrellaless) where I did my happy hour drinking and quofte eating. I checked for the little old lady with red hair, but didn't see her. 

Then a quick turn down the alley that became our true stomping grounds. I walked past the petulla place and contemplated stopping, but I knew 8am was too late for the good warm petulla.

Then onto New Grocery store, booming with customers, past dusty bin lady, and watermelon lady (no longer there) on to downstairs dude, and the entrance to the apartments. Then eventually I had to do a double take, because I just couldn't find the Art Studio anywhere. Turns out it's gone. A former art gallery made into tailor shop.

At this point I began to feel it. The way life transitions and evolves. I walked past Jimmy's, now expanded, with more chairs and tables. Memories just kept flooding my mind. Like the time we watched the football match on the large screen at the bar on the corner, or taking pictures in front of Villa 31 my last night there. As I reached the place, our place, and saw what it had become I thought how perfect of a symbol it was for what my life became when I left.

Once a tree with a hole, but with importance and meaning, I moved on to Indonesia and became a worthless square of trash. And this is the point where I really had to hold my shit together, because I really do wonder who I would be if I had stayed.

I don't regret leaving. Moving to Indonesia had a major role in my life, and I needed that, to get where I am now. And where I am is so happy and amazing.

Tirana was meant to be my home for a few years, but it became so much more than a "home".  I found myself while wandering the streets, dancing in the alleys, day drinking at the bars, eating the street food. I found myself in the way I was thrown drastically into situations that made me uncomfortable and forced me to see that the world was so much more than I had experienced. Tirana is where my story began and where my dreams started to grow into something larger than life.

So I said goodbye for a second time. This time a little easier because I am learning to trust the world, and the opportunities it gives me.  I never intended to return, but I am so glad I had this chance.

rooftop drinks

Musings from Slovenia

28/4/16 (Bled) 
This place reminds me of the train from Berlin to Munich, and that feeling I got when I just wanted to get out and explore. It also feels slightly like being up north along the lakes back home. Pretty sure I could just stay here forever, and hike everyday. Although right now I lost my phone, have a migraine from not eating anything healthy, and just want my bed.

29/4/16 (Bled)
I spent the morning wandering around the Lake, and realizing how much I rely on my phone on a consistent basis. For a little while I considered just not purchasing a new one. What a release that would be. But then I started thinking about how it connects me to the people I love, and it's usefulness. Especially when traveling. I rely on it so much for maps, passwords, alarms, tracking my spending ect. But I am glad for the opportunity to reflect on this portion of my life. I'm going to start setting aside more technology free hours in my life. Sans phone, sans music, sans computer.
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I've always had my own goals and dreams. There have been times when they have seemed less important and have begun to merge with someone else. This is different.

It is strange when your dreams used to be so solid and fixed and suddenly they become so fluid and moveable. The only part of my dreams that matters now is who they are with.

30/4/16 (Bled)
Every time I take trips like this I leave a little piece of my heart in these places. It is so easy to fall in love with a place when you are there for such a short period of time. Hiking in Bled made me realize I seriously need to risk myself a little bit more in Montenegro. Splurge on a car some weekends and just find places nearby to explore and hike.
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(Ljubljana)
These are the moments I live for. This pure culture. Hiking up a hill to feast on cevapi while listening to some speeches by the Mayor which I will never understand. Grabbing a beer to stand by a fire in the middle of the woods. Dancing to a local band singing in a slavic language, only able to understand the lyrics because of the body language.

31/4 (Ljublijana)
I'll say it again: Nothing I love more than sitting in a city center, people watching while I sip a beer or coffee.
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There are so many interesting cultures to study, and not all of them are obvious and in your face. You may have to dig deeper to see the beauty of it.

1/5 (Ljubljana)
Some days, travel can just seem daunting and difficult. But then you finally get to where you are going and it all becomes worthwhile.

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Sitting in a bar drinking an unfiltered IPA and Inn Town by Ryan Adams comes on. These moments take me home even when I am so far away from there.

Musings from Turkey

19/3/16
It has been a long time since I have been properly stared at. It feels weird to be back in a place where I can't blend in. Also, I forgot about my general hatred for airports.

20/3/16
It is amazing how far back this history goes. When I think about the history I have explored in other countries I am amazed at the depth I've been able to dive into in some of them, versus the mere surface I can cover in others. Turkey's is overwhelming. It's making me want to do a full on Middle East Trip.

21/3/16
I take the money I make and use it to buy expereinces. This is one. I am so grateful for every experience i have been able to have.
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All I need right now is a 12 hour bus ride to think. This is bad.
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Some people change your life with simple acknowledgment of their existence. You look at them, see them, and they cause you to appreciate something or work toward something. I wonder if anyone ever sees me in the way. I will make it my new life goal.

23/3/16
I have this inexhaustible desire to spill my deepest darkest secrets to someone. And as always I'm wondering how I can want something I've never had.

24/3/16
I love the looks I get when I go walking somewhere most foreign people don't go. I love leaving civilization behind and the mixed feeling of relief and anger when I have to reconnect with it.
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A year ago, among all the turmoil I never would have thought I'd be here. I long for a decision free life, but know, that everyday I make countless decisions that effect my life. My mind will continue turning.

27/3/16
It is always amazing to walk along in the past life of a place. I can't wrap my head around the history of this place. It goes too far back. How did these things get buried and then found again? And what is left to discover?

Today I visited the burial place of John the baptist, and realized how much christianity is based here in this "muslim country." And what is so incredible is that they have embraced it. Yes they have build mosques nearby, but they have preserved this history and culture rather than destroying it.

I don't know that I can't think of a single Christian who would consider coming here to explore the history of Christianity and it's overlap with Islam. It makes me sad that people can be so judgemental of places without researching them.

28/3/16
You lit a fire. For awhile it burned me, and engulfed me in a suffocating way. But I have emerged from the flames with a fire deep within me. I hope it never leaves because it has made me a stronger, happier person.
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Turkey has surprised me in so many ways. Mostly in good ways. Today our guide described it as a mosaic, and it really is the perfect description. So many worlds meet here, and so much history is engraved in its walls and nature. A plethora of religion, traditions, flavours, styles and cultures. Mountains meet sea and grassland, and dessert. The climate is different one city to the east or west. You can freeze one day and sweat the next. You can hike, lay at a beach, explore ancient worlds, and historical religion.

The kindness and openness of the people has struck me too. At first I was nervous to say I was from America, but with blonde hair and blue eyes and my undeniable accent they would figure it out anyway. People have been so hospitable, helpful, and generous. Turkey will be going back on the list of places to visit. Then again, not many places don't make that list.