Every time I go home it feels less and less like one.
19/12/16
My brain won't turn off. It runs around you constantly. Part of me wants to scream and let it all out, but mostly I'm content to keep you for myself.
24/12/16
I was talking to my mom about how amazing my brothers are to their girls. I'm gonna need one hell of a guy to live up to those expectations. No wonder I'm still single....
4/1/17
I am packing up my bags when it hits me....slowly, but surely. I am so ready to be in my apartment, candles lit, my music on, dancing around my kitchen with a coffee or beer in my hand. America feels less and less like home each day, and I've told people I'm not even sure it will be "home" ever again. When I say I want to be "home" in 3-5 years I mean I want to be settled, in one place. And yet, I let my mind wander to how much I'd love to do life here. Find me a cute house, and a cute live music,beer drinking, outdoorsy man. To be able to go out with my friends on the weekend, see my family on the holidays, and enjoy the simplicity of living in a culture I know and understand. The tears well up ad I think about the confusion of the word "home" and pack away my suitcase that will follow me there. I know what I am returning to the for the very first time. And I cannot wait to get there and be among the discomfort.
5/1/17
I was so confident there would be no pauses at the airport this time around. It took me until actual boarding to consider turning around, but I still considered it.
6/1/17
The landing was pretty scary, and at one point I did think maybe I would die. But what really struck me was how content I am with my life. There is so much I want to do, but I am so happy with what I have done with the time I have been given.
<3 love you girl, so glad I got to see you while you were back here! I can't begin to imagine the magnitude that you feel all of this but know you are not alone. I feel so many of these things too. I hope I can come visit you while you are still over there living the life I wish I was! <3
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