Goodbye Crna Gora

I was so reluctant to get on the plane to come here. I reflect back to the sobbing in the middle of the airport as I considered the great adventures I could have if I were to just turn around, collect my luggage, and set up life in America.

And here I sit, reluctant to leave. My heart was so far closed when I arrived, and Montenegro opened it to even the most scary ideas.

The idea that maybe I will never truly go "home."
The possibility of taking a leap of faith if circumstances allowed me to.
The thought that I may very well be far happier on my own than I ever will be with anyone.
The idea of silence and stillness being a place of comfort rather than anxiety.

Everything in me wants to stay, and everything in me needs to leave.

I always say that love songs about people are actually about places and experiences. I have so many songs for Tivat. And years from now when I'm sitting in a bar in America, or Kazakhstan, or Southeast Asia or South America, this is what I will see behind the lids of my eyes as I close them and feel this song move through me. I'm just an animal looking for a home, and of all those kind of places, Tivat has a face with a damn fine view. Cue the tears.

http://www.kizoa.com/Movie-Video-Slideshow-Maker/d124263292k5825418o1l1/tivat-sunsets

Serbia/ Bulgaria/ Macedonia

30/6/17
tonight we were harassed by some guys who just would leave our tent alone, and so we slept in the car. Men will just never understand that fear. Laying wide awake, totally engulfed in planning your fight for the "in case" of a man crawling on top of you.

1/7/17
Wash in a river after a hike that technically did not exist. This is freedom. This is joy.

2/7/17
Too much time in the car, and not enough movement in my legs.
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I search for emotion along the road and find only numb.
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I'm tired of decision making. Already. And at least this portion of the journey involves sharing.

3/7/17
Movement and mountains and I am alive.

4/7/17
I have had a lot of good July 4ths in my life. I wonder if I'll ever have another at home?

5/7/17
I'm on a bus trying to listen to podcasts to educate myself, but I can't get my mind of the exhaustion of choices to come. They say teachers make millions of quick decisions each day. Shouldn't I be trained for this?

6/7/17
One of the reasons I love traveling via train is that in the parts of the world I live in they are like taking a trip back in time. This ticket has not platform number, or time. It just says there I'm going. The rest is up to me to discover....
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And the first major freakout of the trip as the police officer thoroughly checked every single stamp in my passport and listed out each place I have been to, noticing I frequent Dubrovnik. I quickly pulled out my residency card and attempted to explain that I live here. His response was to invite me for a coffee since my train was running late. Once again...why? To do what? To barely speak to each other through uncomfortable hand gestures? I really just like to have my passport in my hand thank you....
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My desire to take the train has got the best of me again. "Takes 2 hours more, but leaves 3 hours earlier and has beautiful views." Sold! Then it leave 2 hours late and arrives 3 hours later than the bus would have. But as long as it is moving I am fine.

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"I'm living in Montenegro working at an international school"
"We've seen you before! At that pub just outside of Porto.."
"Clubhouse?"
"no the Gastro one. You were with 5 other teachers/"
"Blacksheep?"
"yes! "
The world is too small.....

7/7/17
I wish I had gotten the job here. I wish it so much. This city is perfect for me, and there is so much in this country. And the surrounding countries. And it is so easy to get places. And there are mountains, and there is culture, and there are cute boys. It's clean and there is craft beer. So now Kazakhstan better bring it.

8/7/717
And now that one question has been answered Sofia begs for another "what if..." to be asked.
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Right now I am here, and for now this is all that matters.
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Nothing quite like walking one block off the main hub-bub road and being in the quiet and stillness

9/7/17
I have this thing where I feel like crying in beautiful cities full of culture.

10/7/17
One of those fucking awful days of travel that makes you question why on earth you are doing it. Please say these mountain have some saving grace.
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and as soon as I'm moving with my music on I'm fine.

11/7/17
3 days of hiking, 3 days with a cute boy, 2 days at home, and then back to the US before I move to fucking Kazakhstan. This life is wonderful and everything I have ever wanted. Nothing left to do but smile.
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I'm not afraid of moving to Kazakhstan, but I am afraid of leaving Montenegro. Some dreams are getting left behind.

12/7/17
Climbing mountains is a huge challenge. So is living life, but every once in awhile you summit to an amazing view. I love my life.

13/7/17
It was a seriously rough day. Seriously. The hike was not physically tough, but my head space is dying! Falling into rivers, choices about how to get over trees, around ant mounds larger than my backpack, and how to best get rid of the flies and mosquitoes circling my head. I just want my bed and a beer.

15/7/17
Just waiting to reach my emotional capacity.

16/7/17
I am so damn tired of being alone. I'm still scared that my bed will remain empty and I'll get so comfortable with the solitude that I'll never really be able to let anyone in for real. And while we are on the subject of fears....what if I never feel "Home" again.
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Goodbye never gets any easier, and this version of life is only going to get harder.

5 reasons to visit the Balkans

When I tell people I am in love with the Balkans, they think I'm crazy. "But..Why?" they ask in confusion. I've spent three, far too short years living and traveling in the Balkans and it has become my home away from home. So here is a short list to try to convince you:

5. It's a totally ridiculous idea. (Except it's not)

Just imagine the next time you run into a random friend from high school or go home for Christmas and can talk about the Balkans. People will think you are crazy, and who doesn't want to seem crazy?

4. Less tourists.

You won't have to deal with ridiculously long lines, booking everything ahead of time, or being pushed in crowds. Though the travel may be a bit more difficult to find information about, it is so worth it. You will have space, and space equal happiness.

3. Cheapness. 

Traveling with little money? No problem. You can book hostel beds for 7-15 euros a night, and most of them are fairly modern because travel just became an industry. Want to eat out. Dinner can be found for 3-5 euros or you can eat fancy and still afford it. Want to go out. No problem. A half liter of beer is 1-2 euros.

2. The warm hearted people. 

Because tourism hasn't officially hit the Balkans yet people tend to be warm-hearted and happy to help. They know how to host. Especially if you go to smaller cities.

1. Diversity of things to do. 

Want to party the night away? Try the rakia in the Kafanas of Belgrade. Want to have a chill day at the beach? Head to the Croatian coast, or southern Albania for a shimmering seaside. Want to hike mountains? Head to Durmitor National Park in Montenegro or Theth in Albania and enjoy the mountain air.  Want to see some alternative culture? Participate in a free alternative tour in Sofia or Belgrade. Want to shop? Wander around the market area of any capital city. Want to chill at a cafe? No worries. This is main past time in the Balkans.

I urge you to just consider making a trip to the Balkans, and I promise you will not regret it.