Albania was mostly excitement and fear. I didn't really have time to deal with the emotions of others. I had no clue what I was getting myself into. I cried when I left, and had a good mental breakdown in Turkey. When I finally arrived at the hotel I just lay awake and cried for hours. Every single day was a struggle until it just wasn't. Honestly, after 9 months I wanted to see everyone, but I had no desire to go home. After 2 weeks in America, I was sick of it.
It was easy to leave for Indonesia. The only real hard part for me was not knowing when I'd see everyone again. I cried a little, but once I was on my way I was perfectly fine. I got there, and loved it instantly. It took awhile for me to realize it wasn't at all what I wanted out of life. I grew bored, and longed for days of exploration and friends with the same views on the world.
After not being home for 2 years, every part of me was aching to see my family and friend again. I thought 4.5 weeks would be far to long. Surprise! It wasn't. I packed my days with all the things I loved about home, and I fell in love with the idea of having a life there. Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe this means that in a few years I'll be ready. My mind was there, but my heart just wasn't.
When I said goodbye this time it was different. It felt wrong. As my niece sobbed when I hugged her I realized how big she was getting. She understood what was happening. It was tough to stomach this. I didn't want to be hurting the people I loved. When I said goodbye to my brother's girlfriend and her kids it was equally difficult. Here was this whole new part of my family I wanted to stick around and get to know. Her daughter even said it wasn't fair she just met me and now I was leaving. My brother took me to the airport and I had a hell of a time dealing with checking in my massive amount of luggage on a machine, while simultaneously trying not to vomit over everything. I said goodbye to Daryn at security and halfway thought the line, thought to myself I could just turn around. I could. It would suck, and be difficult to figure out, but if I wanted to, I could quit. I held my spot and made it though. Then I found the nearest spot to sit down and bawled my eyes out. I heaved and sobbed, and let the tears run down and soak the front of my shirt. I just lost it, in front of the entire Minneapolis airport. I messaged my mom and my friend and they were both super supportive, but I just did not want to board the plane.
After not being home for 2 years, every part of me was aching to see my family and friend again. I thought 4.5 weeks would be far to long. Surprise! It wasn't. I packed my days with all the things I loved about home, and I fell in love with the idea of having a life there. Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe this means that in a few years I'll be ready. My mind was there, but my heart just wasn't.
When I said goodbye this time it was different. It felt wrong. As my niece sobbed when I hugged her I realized how big she was getting. She understood what was happening. It was tough to stomach this. I didn't want to be hurting the people I loved. When I said goodbye to my brother's girlfriend and her kids it was equally difficult. Here was this whole new part of my family I wanted to stick around and get to know. Her daughter even said it wasn't fair she just met me and now I was leaving. My brother took me to the airport and I had a hell of a time dealing with checking in my massive amount of luggage on a machine, while simultaneously trying not to vomit over everything. I said goodbye to Daryn at security and halfway thought the line, thought to myself I could just turn around. I could. It would suck, and be difficult to figure out, but if I wanted to, I could quit. I held my spot and made it though. Then I found the nearest spot to sit down and bawled my eyes out. I heaved and sobbed, and let the tears run down and soak the front of my shirt. I just lost it, in front of the entire Minneapolis airport. I messaged my mom and my friend and they were both super supportive, but I just did not want to board the plane.
Lets be real guys I had a rough day. Mostly I just felt like I was going to hurl anytime I moved (due to about 3 too many Surlys, and 2 too many double day trippers, and watching a super cute guy rock out on the mandolin until way too late the night before.) I finally managed to get some fruit down right before my flight from Chicago (which left at 10pm)...thank goodness. Seriously guys...it was a bad one. Next time my going away party needs to be a full day in advance.
The good that came from this was that after I ate dinner on the plane I was actually able to sleep for a full 3-4 hours on and off, which made the flight go super fast. 1 movie with dinner, nap, 30 minutes of reading and one movie with breakfast. My layover in Finland was super fast. Basically I had time to check in with the world, admire the cute men that passed me as I charged my phone for 10 minutes, and time to pee.
I took a brief nap on my 3 hour flight to Croatia and then read/listened to music.
I saw the mountains when we began our decent into Croatia, and I new instantly I was home. For real home. I had some issues with baggage (one got lost) which was annoying, basically because I had no way to contact the driver to make sure he didn't leave without me thinking I was one of those teachers who backed out last minute (which I almost was.) Thank goodness for smartphones: I was able to find the school's information via previous emails. I gave it, and the school phone number, to the lady at the lost baggage desk so that they will be able to ship my last bag when it arrives.
The driver was still patiently waiting and hauled the rest of my luggage to the car. I prepared myself for a drive, but what I got was one incredible feeling after another. I noticed so many little things that made me remember how much I loved my life in the Balkans.
The first was a pig crossing sign. Yep. Then I started to remember this landscape as I noticed the tall pine trees. I forgot how much I loved those. The next sight that made me smile was an old lady walking on the highway carrying what was presumably olive oil, but was more likely homemade rakia (liquor made from grapes.) I remembered all the road trips we took as I noticed the signs that tell you when you are leaving a city rather then letting you know which city you are in. I just couldn't stop smiling. As the diver asked me for my passport to cross the Montenegrin boarder I noticed one of the most beautiful sights in the world: A full moon rose over the mountains and below the city lights twinkled and reflected in the water. At first I wanted to stop and take a picture, and then I realized it was one of those moments I wouldn't be able to capture for anyone else. This one was all mine.
There is something to be said for moments when you feel in your heart that you are right where you are meant to be. Montenegro...prep yourself. I had a small thought of "I should just stay here for a long time."
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