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11/11/15
When I first arrived I kept having these little panic attacks where my heart would race and I wouldn't be able to breath for like 10-20 seconds. They would pass and I'd be fine. I sort of forgot about them until Cortney was here and mentioned she was having them too. She attributed it to being in a familiar place that wasn't quite the same. I had another one tonight and thought to myself "could this be reverse culture shock?" Still better than the hours of sobbing I was doing in Jakarta, so I'll take it.

16/11/15
I have this unnerving feeling inside. I know exactly what it is, and I know how I could probably combat it. But for the time being I just want to embrace it for what it is. I have this other feeling too...and it is scary and crazy and I don't know why I'm continuing to dive into it, but the butterflies in my stomach tell me I have no control over it.

19/11/15
The moment you realize that your feelings are too complex to handle. So you breathe them in and breathe them out and let them go. Complicated? Yes, but the smile on my face is so worth all the complications that could possibly come. And as I smile I think to myself, "Oh fuck...here we go again." My heart feels equally light and heavy. My stomach lurches with excitement and fear. Unexpected and wondrous!

26/11/15
Thankful for every confusing step I have taken on this incredible journey. May my beating heart be a reminder of the eminent passing of time. May I never falter from the life i love, and continue to live it with gratitude. Thanksgiving 2015.

2/12/15
Mini panic attack. Crisis averted. Thank you music.

3/12/15
So I was walking home from work today thinking about the boxes I have stored at my parents house for when I decide to start living a "real life" again. And then, suddenly, I started to think about all my favorite travel items. My day pack, my hiking boots, my specific comfy outfits. And suddenly it hit me. Will I ever be ready to have these items sit in storage boxes in a closet of my "real apartment" haunting me with their calls of adventure. Why do I always end up here?

This. 

7/12/15
The panic attacks are getting more frequent and lasting longer. I can feel my heart begining to crumble, then comes the shortness of breath followed by an intense feeling to burst into tears. Which, I then can't follow through on. No tears. Is this homesickness? Confusion? Or...is it fear of finally knowing what I want and not knowing how to get it?

13/12/15
I have a year before I need to even begin to think about deciding the next chapter of my life. And yet, I just can't get it out of my head. This is now. This is here. And just when I think I have it out of my head or have made a decision, some new point of interest comes miraculously flooding my mind with doubt, and I begin the process all over again. This is the life I chose. Complete and utter confusion.

17/12/15
There is a big difference between missing home and being homesick. In Jakarta my heart would actually ache and I would sob and cry for everything I desired and missed. I was in pain. I am not homesick. The holidays are simply causing me to miss home. Maybe this song is my theme for 2016:

My First Week in Tivat

I can't believe I've already been here for a week, and at the same time I feel like I've already been here a month. Time for an update I guess.

No filter. I swear it!

I'll start by saying that I love it here! That's not to say it's not going to have it's challenges, or that I always will, but most of the expats I have talked to say the love for this place continues as long as you put in some effort.

5 minute walk from my apartment

My apartment is small, but in a cozy single girl way. It suits me well and reminds me of my place in Albania. The things I'm still looking for are drawers, and kitchen electronics such as a blender and food processor. I have seen these things, but not to the extent where I'm going to have lots of choices. At first I kept thinking I could just wait for larger stores. After going to the supermarket today I realize that there are not choices. I'll purchase these items as soon as I have an income and see them again. Also my landlord is amazing. He's teaching me little bits about the culture, and has already told me he often has friends over to play cards and drink in his "smoke room" (traditional thing I need to learn more about to explain.) He invited me to join in and promised to take me on his boat sometime!

Did I mention we have a huge garden? With 4 pet turtles!

waiting for you....

I also cannot for the life of me find good coffee. Honestly, I didn't realize how spoiled I was in Indonesia. All the coffee here is pre-ground, which is alright for me right now since I don't have my blender, but....it is so fine that it doesn't work very well in my coffee press, unless I wait a long time for it to sink to the bottom. I have actually been relying on instant coffee, which just is not going to cut it once I start work. Espresso is cheap at the cafes, but I don't really want to have to spend 20 minutes stopping to sip coffee on my way to work. Maybe I can work out a deal with the owner of a place to bring them little to-go cups and stop through on my way each morning?

1 Euro!

I'm finding that if you are a little bit warm towards the people they will be warm back. Today I went to the fruit/veg market (I finally found it after talking to fellow expats last night) and once I introduced myself as a teacher the girl at the stall said if I had any questions or needed help to ask her. I'm told it is important to learn a bit of the language just to by kind. So far I still only know thank you. I'm going to try to do 2-3 words a day from now on. I also noticed while the nice restaurants have menus translated in English, the cheaper ones do not. Additionally a lot of the packages at the markets are not translated. So I think learning the words for different foods will be my first task.

7 Euros worth of fresh produce!

Also, I'm going to miss international food. There are no Thai or Indian restaurants here. That being said, I'm looking very forward to getting experimental in cooking.

My school is a bit like the others I've taught it. New, small, and not very organized. I think i'll love it here as the staff seems to be a team who just pull together and make it all work for the best.

And the staff! I cannot get over how warm everyone is. They are so helpful and welcoming. I haven't even met half of them yet. Last night I went out for drinks with the MYP coordinator, and a high school teacher and his wife. We had a great chat and I've already been invited to watch Sunday football with the guys and join in running club. There is a 10K coming up in 3-4 weeks that I just may sign up for as a little motivator.

I thought I started work the first Monday of August, but as it turns out I started a week later, so I ended up taking a little trip to Podgorica, the capital. There wasn't much to do, and it was blazing hot, but it was nice to hang in the hostel and meet travelers who got me thinking about my potential winter break plans.

random bar in Podgorica

Evening stroll in Podgorica Old Town

It was so hot that all I did during my 2 days in Podgorica was drink beer and swim here. 

So far I am loving the people, the wine, and the ease with which moving has come. I'm looking forward to starting work on Monday after a lazy weekend of cleaning, cooking, and organizing.